wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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