What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
