just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think your dad took our porno
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
