I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I looked at my own cervix.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
