I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
