So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
