Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
