I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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