Your tits are I can't wait for
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
