so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
