remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
