yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
