Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
