I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You pole danced in your parka.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
