Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
