Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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