So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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