If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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