so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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