Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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