If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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