it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
