I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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