good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
