Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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