I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
