Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
