mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
