I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
