Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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