If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
