The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
