I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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