I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
