I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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