Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Someone came in the potted fern
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
