Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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