Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
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I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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