dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
