Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.