OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.