she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????