my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?