The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."