If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
