Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
