I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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