I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
