just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
