the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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