u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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