he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
