Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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