i jhust puked up my retainher.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
