the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Boobs are out for the taking
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
