Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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