So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
