my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i now understand why vodka
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
