I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
