I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
