we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
