Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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