Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
