Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
