fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
