Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
