Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
