I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
