Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
