are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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