I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
