I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
