the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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