Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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