wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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