Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
