im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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