well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
